Wednesday, June 16, 2010

You’re not irreplaceable, it’s time to walk away.

“I'm walking away from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away oh to find a better day
I'm walking away from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away oh to find a better day
I'm walking away
Sometimes some people get me wrong
When it's something I've said or done
Sometimes you feel there is no fun
That's why you turn and run
But now I truly realise
Some people don't wanna compromise
Well I saw them with my own eyes spreading those lies
And well I don't wanna live my life too many sleepless nights
Not mentioning the fights I'm sorry to say”


I finally acknowledge that even after five years together, it was right to step back and walk away. Walking away is one of the most difficult decision I have ever made in my life even if I’ve decided it’s the right thing for me. But, it needed to be done. I must stop taking personal responsibility for his happiness and I stopped making myself accept his unacceptable behavior. I stopped making excuses for his behavior and mine. I accepted that he will always be the jealous and hot tempered type and I could not fix that.

ache3qm2

I’ve heard couple of versions of this break up from friends and I don’t know if he was responsible for it all or it’s just a mere speculation made by others, to make the story interesting. But, up to this entry, I can proudly say I never kiss and tell nor did I ask for sympathy votes from anyone. I decided to keep my mouth shut about it, only confiding to close friends and family but I think now that it’s over a year, it’s only right I say something about it, my side of the story. I know I am NO ANGEL but it doesn’t give a right for you to put all the blame on me. I am NOT ready to be Akon.

I don’t mean this entry to be condescending to my ex. Heck, I don’t even know what he told everyone about this problem. But, what I heard from reliable sources are:

1. He’s been telling people our dirty laundry, things behind closed door, things like:

a) Nancy selalu lambat bayar bil elektrik

Kalau lambat pun, thing is I DID PAY kan?

b) Nancy boros berbelanja, kuat pakai duit and that you have to rescue me when I ran out of money before the end of the month.

I agree with you, I do spend a lot but IT WAS MY MONEY and I can even count with my fingers how many times you ever bought anything for me at all, be it Valentine’s gift, Christmas or Birthday gift. It’s really quite embarrassing that I have to request a gift from you. And as for you having to rescue me, I think it’s acceptable since you were my fiancé and I was engaged to you, if not you, who else do I turn to?

c) Nancy berubah gara-gara anak-anak buah dia, dia sudah tua sepatutnya tidak terpengaruh dengan anak-anak buah dia.

I am close to my nieces and I am older than them, I can make my own decision and I choose to go out with them instead of some people you don’t know. I remember I did invite you once before and you become the sour puss of the bunch making everyone uneasy. Plus, you have your own circle of friends, why don’t you go out with them? We work together, stay together, I need some space. It was probably a mistake living together so soon. But, I never regretted that because it showed me who you really were.

d) Nancy curang

When we were together, I NEVER CHEATED ON YOU. I think it’s normal that when you go to a club, people would want to talk you, buy you drinks, you can’t be so arrogant and not talk to them. I am not a stuck up bitch. I know you like to think that I did, so you have reasons to hate me and make me look bad in front of everyone and make you look like a victim of the situation. Sympathy vote. How convenient. I know, it’s easy for people to believe this story seeing who I am and looking at you like that.

e) “Keluarga Nancy tidak suka saya sebab saya miskin”

That was NEVER the case, if they did not like you because of that, we wouldn’t be engaged in the first place. Personally, I think you never wanted to change our live, you were so complacent with what we had. You didn’t try hard enough to make our life better, it was always up to me to think about that. I am tired of making decisions. Now that we are NO longer together, I can see you trying to change for the better, new job, new car, new look, which is good for you and I am happy for you. Really. Makes me wonder, why you never wanted to do that when we were together? That was what I always wanted. I think if we’re still together now, chances are you’d still be here.

f) I give you two months, dia akan menderita tu tinggal dengan abang dia, dia merangkak tu nanti balik sama saya.

I’m sorry that it didn’t happen (me crawling back to you begging for you to take me back). I am happy with my life now, closer to my family than ever and happy with my new relationship even if I don’t know where it’s gonna lead me yet but at least I’m happy.

What you forgot to tell people are these things:

1. I contribute in everything. I pay half the house rent, water and electricity bills and I pay about 80% of the car loan monthly because I earned more than you, I feel obliged to do so because I love you and I don’t want to burden you.

2. I never ever forgot to buy you gifts on special occasions like Birthday and Christmas, where you choose to ignore those things.

3. You are one hot tempered asshole who gets physical when you are angry. I think you failed to mention that in your stories about the break-up. I’m sorry Ex, I do not want to spend my life with someone who’s hot tempered.

4. You NEVER wanted to face the argument in front of you. You always choose to walk away whenever we have arguments to be settled. And I have to be responsible to make you happy when I know deep inside I want to speak out my mind. I always have to be the one who apologize and say nothing about it. Well, guess what, I’ve had enough! I hope you find someone who always think you are right.

And now, when I think about all that, I can say I made the right decision and I feel free….

emotional-health

But the be fair, 5 years with you, it was not always bitter, we have had our great times and it was not all bad. I am sorry that it happened this way, I may have break your heart but it’s better now than later in life when we have more things to regret. I forgive you for all the bad things you told people about me, especially the colleagues. I even heard rumors that they call me Devil Wears Prada, I’m flattered but to tell you the truth I can’t afford Prada yet, maybe next year. Fingers crossed.

If you read this, I need my 100+ pairs of shoes back and my car registration card. Thank You.

Standing in the front yard telling me
How I'm such a fool, talking about
How I'll never ever find a man like you
You got me twisted
You must not know 'bout me
You must not know 'bout me
I could have another you in a minute
Matter fact he'll be here in a minute, baby
You must not know 'bout me
You must not know 'bout me
I can have another you by tomorrow
So don't you ever for a second get to thinking you're irreplaceable

4 comments:

IdaFlorida said...

oh god...! please let those "org2 tertentu" read this..!!

Brave entry mi amiga!!! Saya Puas Hati:)

Nancy said...

Thanks for the support amiga, I couldn't be stronger without you. Hugs. x

eLSa said...

Live life with no regrets!!and When life gives you a 100 reasons to cry, show life that you have 1000 reasons to smile :)

Nancy said...

Thanks for the encouraging words Elsa...I agree!!!